Empty Nest Envy

For most of us as parents, we look forward, perhaps with a degree of guilt, to the day when our children leave the nest. “Empty Nest” syndrome is experienced by parents who suddenly find their family home devoid of kids. We become free to embark on our own adventures. Perhaps we will fulfill the dreams we put on hold to raise our families, take up a new hobby or perfect an existing one, do some traveling or just take time for some much needed R & R. Whatever the choice, we are fortunate to have that opportunity to rejuvenate ourselves.

However, there is another group of parents who experience “Empty Nest Envy”.
While most parents can look forward to children spreading their own wings, there are some who look to the future with trepidation and uncertainty. Not just for themselves, but more importantly for their adult children who have developmental disabilities. These parents, when their children graduate from high school, suddenly find themselves supporting their adult child full time.

The reality for these parents can be daunting. For one family their son (28) remains with them, despite thinking that he would be living on his own with supports at this age, the reality is that he will probably remain with them “until one of us dies or we’re in crisis”. This couple has little time alone and never the opportunity to holiday away together. *

Another mom, who is 60 with a 30 year old son with autism, warns, “When the kids graduate there is nothing but endless applications for funding. I can’t afford to retire. I have no savings. I’ll retire when I drop dead.” *

The biggest worry for families whose adult children remain at home is what will become of them when they are gone.

Advice from parents across the province includes ensuring that there is a circle of people around your child who will spend time with them, offering respite and support. Involve your child in decision making about their future, ask what they want. Ask the school about transition planning. Teach your child as many life skills as you can. Research Respite programs in your community www.respite services .com and network with other families, an option which may offer respite if only for a few hours. Be pro active! Start early. If you wait until they are finished school, chances are you’ll wait even longer for services.

Organizations such as Community Living Dufferin can provide opportunities to families. With programs and services such as employment, arts, recreational/leisure opportunities and supportive housing, Community Living Dufferin can assist a family to find suitable activities for their adult children. While there are waiting lists for programs, particularly supportive housing, we may be able to assist in connecting your son or daughter to a social network.
For more information on services we provide please visit our web site at:
http://www.communitylivingdufferin.ca/

Here are some other useful resources:
Canadian Association for Community Living http://www.cacl.ca/ Provides information, support and advocacy for people with an intellectual disability and their families.
Community Living Ontario http://www.communitylivingontario.com/
The provincial association that advocates for people with intellectual disabilities to be fully included in all aspects of community life.
Ministry of Community and Social Services http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/
Helps build resilience and removes obstacles that impede opportunity and participation in community life.
More Than a Mom — Living a Full and Balanced Life When Your Child Has Special Needs
Written by Amy Baskin and Heather Fawcett http://www.morethanamom.net/
*excerpts printed with permission of Amy Baskin. See full article on Empty Nest Envy in the November edition of More magazine